Make me mommy

Helloooooooo!

 See that please-pinch-my-cheeks bundle of joy? Oh I wish that's mine. But nope, she's my newborn niece. She's a munchkin. If she were to be a doughnut she'd be a peanut butter jelly. Excuse my gourmand reference to a human being, I can't help it, she's too cute she left me in diabetic coma.

Don't you just love babies? That endless powdery, after-bathe, lily scented smell of theirs would just throw you into bliss intoxication, no?

Just yesterday I put up a status on FB on how everyone seems to be pregnant and I'm happy for them. And I mean it. I'm happy for those who are granted by God to conceive a child and having the opportunity to raise a human being not only with tender, love and care but with full responsibility. Every pregnant couple deserves an applause as they are about to embark on a journey of self fulfillment; the pinnacle of bliss.

As for me the thing I look forward to about raising a child is how I would better myself, physically and soulfully.  Physically because I'd need the energy to care for my child, my husband and my household. Soul betterment as I want my child to look up to me as an idol, an exemplary in every good pursuits in her/his life.

Maybe I sound too ambitious, maybe this extravagant hope of mine has thrown me off the list of being a mom or maybe, it has not yet my rezeki to have one of my won. I much prefer the latter.

Thus, I have never stopped praying. Ceased I have may in the attempt department but the dream to conceive will always be there.

Oh so much for a quiet Thursday evening.


Ya Allah, my creator... please make me mommy. Ameen.

What will be will be

Hi readers.

I've been contemplating to just delete this blog of  mine due to the recent 'tsunami' that has hit my family. Strangely though, when I attempted it I simply could not. So, let's just say I'm still here but this blog will not narrate my TTC stories; but with God willing it'd be something else all together.

Anyways, on a different note yours truly have failed miserably in the training department due to bad knee. I accidentally injured my left knee and life has never been the same since. And living at an apartment with no elevator services does not help either. Now I just started my physiotherapy session. The only thing that I love so mmmmuch about my injury is of course, my orthopedic specialist. He's young but he dons the silver hair! Gorgeous! Ummmphh! Boy how I regret for not getting my pedicure done!

My very own Richard Gere

.

And I freeze my gym membership. So the alternative to shedding those dreadful kilos is this 'thing'. To be honest I was coerced to purchase this set. A small tin like this here would last for 1 week and it fetched at RM144 so you do the maths. A 4-week-consumption won't get me anywhere, that I'm sure of. Anyhow, rather than not taking any measures, attempting this would at least make me feel better. I hope.

Help me

We'll see how things go.

I've just got to play the 'que sera sera' game this year as the dragon has been nothing but mean.

Till then. XOXO.

Hello peeps.

...if there's still any.

A tsunami

A cruel tsunami has hit the family recently...

Thus I'm not so sure whether there's a fiber in me is able to move forward with ttc.

As much as the devastating news broke my heart and of my loved ones'... that is as much my diet plan has fell through. In the midst of stress and nerve wrecks, I skipped 9 days of training and worse, I've started devouring that white substance again, and white substance here means 'carbs'! Please don't get any idea.

If, should be any readers out there, please pray for me and support me to carry on with my regime. The tsunami happened so fast that we are still mending our broken spirits. Life is about to change, and the scary thing is, we are not sure it's for the better or for the worse...

Nevertheless, life must go on.

Shed!

I feel good.

I went in on January 9th as a 95kg.

Last night during weighing-in, the scale flashed 90.1kg!

I am so proud of myself.

Must work harder and not reward myself with food!

Whoa Kelly!

Kelly Osbourne is such an inspiration for me. I want a body like hers by 2013. And her hair too.

I love her even more now after learning her adversities despite being a mega rock star's daughter.

On a different note, something's amiss about my clomid cycle this time because on the eleventh day, I was still spotting. In fact the blood was brownish. During a clomid cycle, on the 10th day onwards on one's period she should have sexual intercourse in order to conceive and normally during this time the period stops. It got me a little worried that mine did not but then again, maybe it has something to do with me engaging in training session and a change of diet. Just maybe.

Speaking of a change in diet, I must admit that I'm not very pleased with the way I eat. There's lack of variety and as a result, my constipation was really bad. I'm sick of the wholemeal bread, the sight of oat triggers my barfing switch and I can't sip another green tea... I hate myself for doing so but I haven't given up. Now I find solace in dried young mangoes to a point of being addictive.

My sister has helped me a lot, advising me on what to eat. Knowledge is key, she emphasized. She promotes the use of non-stick pan (the pricey one like Tefal) for I can avoid using oil altogether and she promised that my food tastes much much better. I'm currently persuading Hubs to get me a decent oven so I can roast organic chicken to my heart's content! There's something about roast chicken that makes me feel good, it reminds me a lot of my mom and dad; my little family in Kuching... and who doesn't fancy the marinade fragrance of a roast chicken? My cats would so agree with me on this.

I hope my plan doesn't work against me because then I'd be very disappointed and beat myself up badly.

Have faith!

Much ado about nothing

La Pomme verte

Hello readers.

Quite dusty in here, I know... the reason being, yours truly was a little bit under the weather, and believe it or not, it all started because of this green apple.

You see guys, I was never a fan of green apples. I was told by a famous speaker that eating anything sour (inlcuding green apple) is not encouraged if you want to think sharply, hence I only eyed for red ones since. So in my bid to lose weight, I was advised by my trainer to indulge in green apples, so told that it expedites my metabolism and helps to decrease my crazy appetite for anything sweet. That afternoon, I went down to the campus's cafeteria to pack me some lunch which included green apple juice sans sugar and a green apple, which I picked from the drink maker's basket at the counter. It was a small one, no bigger than a toddler's fist. Then happily I walked to the cashier when snapped, the apple itself costs me RM2.30!

I purchased it anyway because the cashier was adamant and I, on the other hand was consumed by silent outrage. "How dare she... charging me an apple bud for RM2.30!" I thought. When I went back to my office, well of course I had to blast a post my Facebook's wall. Most agreed that the price was ridiculous.

And as reflex would have it, I complained to Hubs too. He, as usual had a different response.

"So, have you eaten the apple?" he asked. I said no. In fact my response was childish, "No, because I could buy a diamond ring with it"

"Eat it, trust me you'll feel good" he reassured.

That night, because I was so stressed out departing with my RM2.30 and due to my dissatisfaction towards the cafe operator, I induced myself a diarrhea, gastric and nausea. All at once. What came out in front simultaneously came out at the rear. Gross, I know. I skipped 3 training sessions because I literally couldn't stomach the pain but on top of everything else, I was still furious over my stupidity for purchasing the green apple.

As days went by, I put my reflection cap on. How trivial it was that I fussed over a little green apple that was in the first place, supposed to make me feel good about myself. Instead, the negative me perceived its price tag as a burden and brought myself down! How can I let myself succumbed to 230 cents?

Imagine if I hadn't fussed over the apple and just enjoyed the crunchy bits;

• I'd have not run down by fever, diarrhea and gastric
• I'd have lost calories by attending my training sessions, 600 calories at least!
• I'd have accomplished my weekend chores
• I'd felt good about myself!

My point is, I should have credited myself for letting the thought of savoring a green apple crossed my mind! That's a positive step towards healthy eating.

From this moment on, I must focus on what is right, and never bring myself down. And of course, I must avoid much ado about nothing. It's not worth it.

The green apple still sits nicely on my desk. Will surely enjoy it tomorrow, first thing in the morning.