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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Letting go is hard to do...


Today, I don't feel like waking up.
For I know that today I have to do something so despicable ever in my adult life.
Even the weather seems mad at me.
But I have no choice and I've exercised my options.
In order to move forward we have to let some things go, even if they're your beloved.

Allah ya rabb, have mercy and do forgive me on my decision. Please release me from the agonizing guilt.
As much as the deed is very wrong, I have to, I must.

My furry friends. Forgive mommy & daddy. We have to let you go.

All 11 of you will be dearly missed.

Ya Allah, give me strength.


Friday, June 15, 2012

Of sauna box and the salesman in disguise

More often than not, when I have so much things to do at a time like handling audit, completing reports, proof editing and etc, I'd naturally resort to blogging. And this entry is one of those. I'm supposed to get 6 translations done today but I'm on medical leave instead. I slept in, like until 4 pm, right after my 9am visit to the private clinic.
Dr Shukor the Horror



Which brought me to this entry. It was an exceptional doctor visit. Simply because for the first time ever, I was humiliated to the core of my being. His name is Dr Shukor of Klinik Fadzliana, at Equine Park. You might ask why was I on an mc? Due to my bad knee, of course. My demanding job required me to man the promotional booth for the past weeks and that somehow had worsen the condition of my knee, or so I thought. Not until I met Dr Shukor.

When I walked in, his first reaction was, "Oooii gemok nya" (Oh my you're so fat!) And at that instance the old me would have slammed the door or even worse threw something at his face, instead I was calm and with poise, sat down next to him and reasoned out.

Then he went on and on and on about me being so fat and heavy for my height and that I am so obese and made my knees cry. And with his hands trace-curving my body he said, 
"Awak ni tengok bahagian kepala bukan main cun tapi tengok badan, aduh hancur, hancur!" (When I look at your face, your beautiful but when I see you in full figure, it's a catastrophe!)
He even took out a calculator to count my BMI and showed me the numbers like centimeters away from my face, and no it doesn't stop there. He slapped his forehead mumbling, again and again, "Gemoknyer, gemoknyer"(So fat, so fat)
Yes, you read that right. You see, I've been told remarks about my obesity but not as harsh as Dr Shukor's words. He was demeaning, almost heartless I would cry but I did't (normally I would) I didn't because I know my knee injury was caused by an accident, not because of my weight and for the fact that I attempted to shed a few kilos by hitting the gym. No one can take that away from me. I have my efforts.

What tickled my ears though was the part when he recommended me to purchase a sauna box. He went on again with the most ridiculous advice, that I should put on 3 layers of clothing during exercise. Then he made a bias remark about me doing saunas in a gym, when he claimed that I'm at sin for showing my aurat to the other women hence I must get this sauna box and just do it at home.

But not all things that came from his mouth were poisonous,  I agreed when he advised me to get to a dietician pronto, as my Richard Gere look alike specialist had recommended initially. Oh well, I'd like to reap the benefit of dieting come Ramadhan. That's soon, no? At the moment, relapsing I may be in the kilos shedding department but I shall not stop trying. That I promise myself.

And you know what's funny? After all that extreme banters and condescending remarks on my body weight, I asked him,

"Mana nak dapat sauna box tu?" (Where can I get the sauna box?)

"Saya ada jual." (I'm selling them)


With that, I rest my case.






Thursday, May 24, 2012

Make me mommy

Helloooooooo!
 See that please-pinch-my-cheeks bundle of joy? Oh I wish that's mine. But nope, she's my newborn niece. She's a munchkin. If she were to be a doughnut she'd be a peanut butter jelly. Excuse my gourmand reference to a human being, I can't help it, she's too cute she left me in diabetic coma.

Don't you just love babies? That endless powdery, after-bathe, lily scented smell of theirs would just throw you into bliss intoxication, no?

Just yesterday I put up a status on FB on how everyone seems to be pregnant and I'm happy for them. And I mean it. I'm happy for those who are granted by God to conceive a child and having the opportunity to raise a human being not only with tender, love and care but with full responsibility. Every pregnant couple deserves an applause as they are about to embark on a journey of self fulfillment; the pinnacle of bliss.

As for me the thing I look forward to about raising a child is how I would better myself, physically and soulfully.  Physically because I'd need the energy to care for my child, my husband and my household. Soul betterment as I want my child to look up to me as an idol, an exemplary in every good pursuits in her/his life.

Maybe I sound too ambitious, maybe this extravagant hope of mine has thrown me off the list of being a mom or maybe, it has not yet my rezeki to have one of my won. I much prefer the latter.

Thus, I have never stopped praying. Ceased I have may in the attempt department but the dream to conceive will always be there.

Oh so much for a quiet Thursday evening.


Ya Allah, my creator... please make me mommy. Ameen.

Friday, May 04, 2012

What will be will be

Hi readers.

I've been contemplating to just delete this blog of  mine due to the recent 'tsunami' that has hit my family. Strangely though, when I attempted it I simply could not. So, let's just say I'm still here but this blog will not narrate my TTC stories; but with God willing it'd be something else all together.

Anyways, on a different note yours truly have failed miserably in the training department due to bad knee. I accidentally injured my left knee and life has never been the same since. And living at an apartment with no elevator services does not help either. Now I just started my physiotherapy session. The only thing that I love so mmmmuch about my injury is of course, my orthopedic specialist. He's young but he dons the silver hair! Gorgeous! Ummmphh! Boy how I regret for not getting my pedicure done!

My very own Richard Gere
.
And I freeze my gym membership. So the alternative to shedding those dreadful kilos is this 'thing'. To be honest I was coerced to purchase this set. A small tin like this here would last for 1 week and it fetched at RM144 so you do the maths. A 4-week-consumption won't get me anywhere, that I'm sure of. Anyhow, rather than not taking any measures, attempting this would at least make me feel better. I hope.

Help me
We'll see how things go.

I've just got to play the 'que sera sera' game this year as the dragon has been nothing but mean.

Till then. XOXO.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A tsunami

A cruel tsunami has hit the family recently...

Thus I'm not so sure whether there's a fiber in me is able to move forward with ttc.

As much as the devastating news broke my heart and of my loved ones'... that is as much my diet plan has fell through. In the midst of stress and nerve wrecks, I skipped 9 days of training and worse, I've started devouring that white substance again, and white substance here means 'carbs'! Please don't get any idea.

If, should be any readers out there, please pray for me and support me to carry on with my regime. The tsunami happened so fast that we are still mending our broken spirits. Life is about to change, and the scary thing is, we are not sure it's for the better or for the worse...

Nevertheless, life must go on.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Shed!


I feel good.

I went in on January 9th as a 95kg.

Last night during weighing-in, the scale flashed 90.1kg!

I am so proud of myself.

Must work harder and not reward myself with food!