Finding Happiness in July

Assalamualaikum readers,

My last entry was way back in February. I know I made a promise (to myself) that I'd put at least an entry per week but what do you know, future has a funny way of manifesting, one stunt at a time...hence the long hiatus.

Skipped 4 months, fast forward to today, I'm no longer with the top 4 university in the country. I have pulled the contract plug (wish I had done that sooner) for good and settled with the top 24 instead. Still bearing the same post, what delight me the most of this shift is for the fact that I'm moving back to my hometown, Kuching. Now isn't that a blessing?

As for my significant other, he's been very supportive and we decided to succumb everything to Allah swt, for He is the Almighty and only He gets to decide the portion of your rezeki, the duration of your jodoh and the finale of your life. Allahuakhbar. I could ask no more from Him for I think my prayer has been answered; I am finally a permanent employee.

I would be lying if I said that things just fall into places the minute I submitted my acceptance letter. No, in fact I was struggling, to this very day. First, just days before I got the precious email from my current registrar, my husband and I moved to a new place, rented still but boy was it homely. I was lucky enough to have it filled with new stuff, courtesy of my parents (told you I was blessed!). Writing this makes me miss the house even more. I only realized that I got so attached to it when during facetime, I asked my husband to capture my living hall and my kitchen and even asked him to open the refrigerator!

And of course, the person I shared the house with... my husband. This year has been turbulent for the both of us, especially now that he's back and forth to JB and KL; with me being ridiculously unhappy at work, suffice to say there were things thrown at my old place, tears were incessantly shed... and the new house somewhat saved my marriage. It amazed me too how routine can bite you in the as* and to put my disorderly relationship back on track was no abc nor 123... It's when we worked on the new house that we found our mojo back and realized we only have each other to love and to hold for now. The relationship department has improved tremendously since then. *wink*

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah swt... Again and again he saved me. The job offer came in May and I was ecstatic! Just when I thought that things would just keep crumbling down, life has finally shown me some light. I'm constantly adjusting even though I'm in my own home, my very own room. I must admit I'm a little concern that at 33 I'm being pampered by mom to a point that I get to relax after work, unlike in S.Kembangan, where life's pretty much dictated by the wall clock. I'm indeed grateful.

Once in a while, now that I'm here, I miss my former office buddies so much. Even though the old place seemed like fire and brimstone, I treasure the friendships I've made over the years and they could very much be the reason why I stayed that long. And here at my new place, I'm optimistic that I'll find a fun bunch too.

Let's hope that my mantra 'it's always greener on the other side' rings true this time.

At this very second, life has been good, that I can safely say.

Happy quokka 

33 in 2013

Assalamualaikum self,

I know the year 2012 has brought you so much pain and failure that you thought picking yourself up again is almost impossible. But you've just got to do it because life is too short to feel sorry for yourself.

And at 32 you finally became an aunt to your beautiful nieces. Please be grateful.

Here's what you should remind yourself in your 2013 pursuit;

Life is what YOU make of it

Whenever there's hardship, Allah shall provide ease

and that, this too, shall pass.

Happy 33rd Birthday Sabrina!

33 and fabulous!

:::

 ::: 

Make me mommy

Helloooooooo!

 See that please-pinch-my-cheeks bundle of joy? Oh I wish that's mine. But nope, she's my newborn niece. She's a munchkin. If she were to be a doughnut she'd be a peanut butter jelly. Excuse my gourmand reference to a human being, I can't help it, she's too cute she left me in diabetic coma.

Don't you just love babies? That endless powdery, after-bathe, lily scented smell of theirs would just throw you into bliss intoxication, no?

Just yesterday I put up a status on FB on how everyone seems to be pregnant and I'm happy for them. And I mean it. I'm happy for those who are granted by God to conceive a child and having the opportunity to raise a human being not only with tender, love and care but with full responsibility. Every pregnant couple deserves an applause as they are about to embark on a journey of self fulfillment; the pinnacle of bliss.

As for me the thing I look forward to about raising a child is how I would better myself, physically and soulfully.  Physically because I'd need the energy to care for my child, my husband and my household. Soul betterment as I want my child to look up to me as an idol, an exemplary in every good pursuits in her/his life.

Maybe I sound too ambitious, maybe this extravagant hope of mine has thrown me off the list of being a mom or maybe, it has not yet my rezeki to have one of my won. I much prefer the latter.

Thus, I have never stopped praying. Ceased I have may in the attempt department but the dream to conceive will always be there.

Oh so much for a quiet Thursday evening.


Ya Allah, my creator... please make me mommy. Ameen.

Whoa Kelly!

Kelly Osbourne is such an inspiration for me. I want a body like hers by 2013. And her hair too.

I love her even more now after learning her adversities despite being a mega rock star's daughter.

On a different note, something's amiss about my clomid cycle this time because on the eleventh day, I was still spotting. In fact the blood was brownish. During a clomid cycle, on the 10th day onwards on one's period she should have sexual intercourse in order to conceive and normally during this time the period stops. It got me a little worried that mine did not but then again, maybe it has something to do with me engaging in training session and a change of diet. Just maybe.

Speaking of a change in diet, I must admit that I'm not very pleased with the way I eat. There's lack of variety and as a result, my constipation was really bad. I'm sick of the wholemeal bread, the sight of oat triggers my barfing switch and I can't sip another green tea... I hate myself for doing so but I haven't given up. Now I find solace in dried young mangoes to a point of being addictive.

My sister has helped me a lot, advising me on what to eat. Knowledge is key, she emphasized. She promotes the use of non-stick pan (the pricey one like Tefal) for I can avoid using oil altogether and she promised that my food tastes much much better. I'm currently persuading Hubs to get me a decent oven so I can roast organic chicken to my heart's content! There's something about roast chicken that makes me feel good, it reminds me a lot of my mom and dad; my little family in Kuching... and who doesn't fancy the marinade fragrance of a roast chicken? My cats would so agree with me on this.

I hope my plan doesn't work against me because then I'd be very disappointed and beat myself up badly.

Have faith!