December 6th tik tok tik tok

I was prompted to write an entry after I realized that a month from today, I shall turn 34.

Yikes.

2014 is showing up soon too, and as I stated in my previous entry; there's no sighting of resolution.

But boy, do I have a wish list.

And one that is already sitting pretty on it is;

TO TRAVEL.

I was first and foremost inspired by my sister who travelled to the UK, Paris, Amsterdam and Milan under the pack-and-leave-I-don't-care circumstances. I want that. To be able to leave without thinking too much. Just travel. Just go.

My dream destination? Shhh. I don't want to jinx it.

To be 34 means I've got to upgrade myself in the wisdom department, must eat responsibly,  collect not hoard, and refresh my fardhu ain practice in order to enhance my iman. 

I don't believe in charting the course of my destiny towards long term goal, hence I don't do diet.

Short term will work just fine as I'm a firm believer that everyone has to start somewhere. Some perhaps have got to start anew. And a few must wait for another opportunity come knocking again.

Now please, let me enjoy the remaining of December. 

#wishingandhoping

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Exodus

Well,

Hello February. *rub eyes profusely*

It would be so cliché of me to exclaim, "Where have all the time gone?"

But I kid you not, where is it?

Hence, here's a quick update.

I want to blog still. (that's update no.1)

As you can see, that's quite a melancholic title I have for this entry but every fibre of my being screams evacuate!

At 33, I finally feel that I'm stuck in a rut! And I hate it. I feel that there's no way out, I'm constantly asking myself, can I get through the day?

When I self-diagnosed, I discover that, perhaps I'm unhappy.

I simply am not happy.

At work and home. I am struggling.

I don't know if 'running away' is the only best solution as it the only thing that lingered my mind lately.

I want to escape my life but not to start anew but just to take a break.

If ever I'm allowed to just ask myself this, is my life worth living?

Where can I find happiness and actually wanting to live it?

This too shall pass, they said but I feel that mine keeps on coming, overwhelming at times.

As we speak, the emotional stacks kept on piling.

I'm utterly scared that I might lose my composure and just burst.

I think I need help.

Perhaps I should just run.

33 in 2013

Assalamualaikum self,

I know the year 2012 has brought you so much pain and failure that you thought picking yourself up again is almost impossible. But you've just got to do it because life is too short to feel sorry for yourself.

And at 32 you finally became an aunt to your beautiful nieces. Please be grateful.

Here's what you should remind yourself in your 2013 pursuit;

Life is what YOU make of it

Whenever there's hardship, Allah shall provide ease

and that, this too, shall pass.

Happy 33rd Birthday Sabrina!

33 and fabulous!

:::

 ::: 

Letting go is hard to do...

Today, I don't feel like waking up.
For I know that today I have to do something so despicable ever in my adult life.
Even the weather seems mad at me.
But I have no choice and I've exercised my options.
In order to move forward we have to let some things go, even if they're your beloved.

Allah ya rabb, have mercy and do forgive me on my decision. Please release me from the agonizing guilt.
As much as the deed is very wrong, I have to, I must.

My furry friends. Forgive mommy & daddy. We have to let you go.

All 11 of you will be dearly missed.

Ya Allah, give me strength.